I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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