Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
