i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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