based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
