when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
