why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
