Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
