Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
