the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
