i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
