I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
