I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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