a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.