since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
