believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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