Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You pole danced in your parka.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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