What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i've created a new STD.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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