take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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