Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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