i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
