I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
