The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
