i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
