He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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