We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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