Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
