Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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