I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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