so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ugly people sure do ruin things
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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