Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
