just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
