oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
