sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
