he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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