I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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