we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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