omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
