There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
