Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
