after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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