smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
