and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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