do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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