I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think my moral compass just broke
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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