You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
