tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have already put on my inside pants.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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