Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
