I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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