awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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