How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
