i permit you to call me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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