roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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