so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
