I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
