the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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