Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
one two three fourrrrnication!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I FOUND THE LEGS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
