Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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