I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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