Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
