I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
