After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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