just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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