Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
