in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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