Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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