how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
