Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
as a side note pls kill me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
