guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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