Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
