Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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