In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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