make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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