can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
