Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
