put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
