Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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