i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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