Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
