so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
